I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize