sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
