I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
