I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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