he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
