I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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