I hate your face
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
