Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
