Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
