: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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