I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
