Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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