please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
