I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
