Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
