Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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