is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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