I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
