Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
