I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize