I cockslap morals
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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