you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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