She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
