Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just invented taco cereal.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
