You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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