Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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