I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
