Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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