Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
