That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
