Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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