he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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