You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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