why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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