I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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