worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize