He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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