no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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