i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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