so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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