so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
