Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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