I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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