Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
