I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize