hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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