we have officially lost it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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