Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
