my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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