if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
