Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
