i permit you to call me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
