Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
