Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
