Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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