I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
