Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
