They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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