It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You can't just leave with hair like that
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
