woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
