I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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