Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
