Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize