Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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