Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is the high leading the old right now
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize