i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
