lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
