so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
