i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
