dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
