Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
