I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize