Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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