she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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