I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
