Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
