is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
