matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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