youre lurking in front of me
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
