Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
